words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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