dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
