my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
