i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
