my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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