So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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