I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
