Don't make out with my wife yet
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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