I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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