My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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