No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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