Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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