I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
