I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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