Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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