i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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