six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
