Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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