Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
