goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
