I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
