just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
