wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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