does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
