Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
