so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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