tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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