i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Still dying that you shit outside
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
