smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
