I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
