Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
