Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
