the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
