Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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