You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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