Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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