Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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