Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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