I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
