All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
