Can Purell be used as lube?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
