I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
