she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
