sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
