There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
