Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
