Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
