I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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