I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He shit in the fireplace
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