I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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