Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
