its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
me + whiskey = a bad person
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I deserve this hangover.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
