I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
