:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
