I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that's an acceptable place to lick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
