We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You need a sexual gate keeper
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
