just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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