So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
