Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
